A podcast-style digital story cut from Tapestry mentor Yesenia’s “exit interview” with co-directors Hannah and Sam, by permission of all participants. Yesenia is an alum of Team Z, and this artifact bears substantial similarity to the video-based story the team composed several months after her departure.
In this de-identified version of the artifact, I have removed the necessary proper nouns and replaced them with the sound of scissors cutting. The necessity of such a (minor) distraction is the result of my working with pre-existing audio shared with me by the co-directors rather than directly participating in the production process throughout. By contrast, during the production of Team Z’s story, we intentionally recorded alternative audio replacing the organization’s name with its pseudonym. (See also my reflections [link] on the ethics of facial blurring in ‘The Summer Camp’ and my observations of pre-established practices of youth protection and representation at Tapestry [link – also figure out what this is … a memo? under analyses?].)
Annotated Transcript
Display by Foster Youth Experience (FYE). Shows two types of relational practice: organizational partnerships, empathetic recruiting.
I am 28 years old. I live in [West Coast Metropolitan City] and have been here for the past five years. And about four years ago I was at yoga at [Church of the Resurrection] and I had just seen a very moving display. The the Teddy bear was wearing a shirt that said, like, “for all the kids who are separated from their siblings.” And I’m very close to my two little sisters. I felt like that really struck a nerve because I miss them.
And I’d only been in the city for a little under a year and felt the need to find something that could be more meaningful other than my sales job. So everything just kind of fell into place, and I attended the orientation, I believe about a month later.
[musical interlude]
I don’t wanna say I was immature, but I was very, very focused on just enjoying myself, enjoying my twenties, living life to the fullest. I think that [Tapestry] and also just life in general has helped me feel a little more grounded and be better at making commitments and sticking to them.
My conversation with Hannah and Sam just a few hours before surfaced this same observation about mentors’ frequently chaotic lives. [add link]
And so as things change, as roommates change, as boys come and go, as I switch jobs, as other things are going on with me, I know I have [Tapestry] as a consistent rock.
So I understand that part of [Tapestry]’s mission is to be a consistent force in a child’s life who hasn’t been consistent. But it’s not as though my life is all that more consistent either. And if you stick with [Tapestry] you also get to feel like you have something routine that’s good in your life.
[music interlude]
Four years when you’re child is ages. My youth was 10 when I met them and now they’re 14, and we went through all through middle school and now this kid is in high school. The things that we talked about when they were 10 are so different than now.
I’ve noticed that their level of conscientiousness has adjusted. She’s become much better at asking questions and communicating in more detail and providing context when she’s sharing stories.
Um, and it can be tough though because now that she is 14, I think that there’s just some issues that feel bigger. Dealing with bullies and relationships—just things that sometimes we feel that we’re not equipped to handle. But we have to remind ourselves that we’re not there to be a parent or be like a tutor. So we’ve just found ways to help any way that we can, such as being really honest but firm about our advice regarding relationships and just remembering that at the end of the day we’re supposed to be there for her as mentors.
[musical interlude]
Cf. Tapestry’s description of the guiding principle of communion [link].
Really, really helpful to have teammates because then you’re never alone.
When I’ve felt like, “Oh my goodness, this particular issue is stressful,” never have I felt like it couldn’t be like solved. Oftentimes some of my teammates and I will call each other and then just kind of debrief or vent and say, “Oh, what should we do about this?” So we can lean on each other.
Team Z’s video also reflects substantially on the group’s experiences with Peg and mentions her wisdom and stories.
The two mentors that were the original mentors with me, um, are no longer part of this team. Um, in particular, one of them she passed away, but her name is Peg. I would spend time with her with the child. But then oftentimes I would accompany her back to her place afterwards. She’d ask really good questions about my life and also share snippets from her own life and her experiences.
Like that’s something I didn’t expect to gain from [Tapestry] is that kind of friendship where I learned a lot of her wisdom and also knew that I was judging a book by its cover a bit, because she gave off this very warm, fuzzy, grandmother vibe and then could be very sarcastic and have very saucy things to say and had fun stories from her past that I just thought, “Oh wow, how unexpected.”
For my current teammates. I think that they’re both people that I would befriend even outside of this organization. And they’re just all so different. One person’s, super calm, cool, collected and just very clearheaded. And then the other is very spiritual and very interesting.
And both are great listeners. So when I’ve gone through hard times, I was able to vent to them and get it out of my system before our youth came out of the house, and they were there for me as friends.
[musical interlude]
I’ve been really candid with my girl. As she’s gotten older and shared her life experiences, I’ve realized that there’s no point in shielding her from my life or showing her that I’m not perfect. I remember being around 11 or so and just thinking that there was this huge chasm in between being 11 and being in your twenties.
And it wasn’t just that I thought that there was so much older. It’s that I thought, “Oh, these women are gorgeous, and they have their lives together, and when will I look like that and be like that and be like that?”
And I noticed that is very, very common with our girl as well. And then I thought about it. It’s like, “You know, I only show her the best bits.” So I started experimenting with telling her about, you know, stressing out at work, anxiety, fears about the future, just general things, where things don’t go well, or telling her about embarrassing stories or telling her about my life at her age, experiences with bullies, myself—”what, you had bullies?”
It helps to humanize yourself. And I think that that’s something that’s rubbed off on our team as a general culture. Within reason, we do share our personal lives, and that helps us connect with our kid. It also helps the kid feel like they can open up to us.
It has to be done delicately, of course. But depending on the age of the kid and the relationship and dynamic with the team, self-disclosure goes a long way. Really building trust.
Notice there is more interaction with the co-directors in this section. They were more animated during this particular story, but I was also less motivated to isolate Yesenia’s voice here—since the story has shifted from examining parts of the team to relating a story of the whole. Keeping the music under this section, now with beat, further underscores these meanings and choices.
[musical interlude, which fades and continues]
Just a few weeks ago, we had an impromptu karaoke session. So we received approval from all appropriate parties to have a tea party at one of our apartments. And she has a blackboard that said, “Welcome!” all of our names on it, and a proper tea set and all the mini sandwiches and everything else in between.
And as we were baking cookies we started singing off of YouTube—our youth’s idea, of course—like Adele songs and very dramatic belty songs. And I think I was just in a good mood, and all of us were in a good mood, and we rubbed off on each other. And at some point we were twirling and doing lyrical dancing and rolling around on the on the on the floor.
Our youth was having a blast, and I was just happy for myself really. I was happy that she was having fun, but like I was having a blast too. I think that’s part of volunteering, that there’s always something that someone’s hoping to get out of it.
But having as much fun as I’ve had, going and having these experiences—whether it was rolling around and doing karaoke or going to the zoo or like doing the All [Tapestry] events—there’ve been times where I’ve walked away thinking like “I think I had more fun than my kid.”
I’m grateful for the motivation to go and do like funky random experiences.
I’m glad that I was at [Church of the Resurrection] that day.
[music repeats and fades]
Music credit: “Curiosity” by Lee Rosevere via bandcamp.com (CC BY 3.0)
Sound clip credit: “scissors” by lighteningjimmy88 via freesound.org (CC 0)